If I had an actual pound coin for every time a woman said to me “You are so lucky to have big boobs, I would kill for mine to be like yours”, I would be able to march right on into House of Fraser this weekend and buy the Mulberry bag I’ve wanted for the last ten years because I would be a rich lady. Women ask to touch them, men do not always ask but low and behold they want to touch them. The truth:I hate having big boobs!!! If you are reading this and you think I must be mad, find someone with a rather large chest and ask them if they like it. I guarantee most will say the same as me – it is an absolute burden!
Zip up / button up? Forget it.
Have you ever seen a sausage bursting out of it’s case once put in a frying pan? That is what I feel like in a button up top. Found one that does up, brilliant! Oh wait, the sleeves are down to my waist and it is so baggy people will start giving you their loose change.
Zip up, figure hugging dress, great!!… starts doing zip up… zips over bum…hips…this looks fab I love this dress…gets zip to bra level…stuck. The amount of times I have considered whether it is acceptable to zip a dress half way up and put on a jacket and hope for the best because until the moment you realised what a strain your breasts would be on the situation you looked and felt fab. Never quite plucked up the courage though.
Ever tried wearing 3 sports bras at the same time? Sweating hell is all I can say. But totally necessary if you don’t want to feel like they’re being ripped from your chest every time the perky instructor instructs you to star jump.
Buying a bikini
Feeling like you are surely going to get arrested at any moment because you are in the changing rooms with two bikinis swapping the sizes round so you have a pair of size 10 bottoms and a size 18 top (yes, really). Any shop that sells them separately and in bra sizes is life.
Other problems include…
Getting close enough to my steering wheel that I can reach the pedals in my car, certain yoga poses, cutting the front of a mans hair without my breasts resting on their shoulder, eating popcorn in the cinema and not being able to find where you dropped lots of it until at home and taking off your bra, wearing a low cut top without feeling like you should have a giant A emblazoned on the front of your outfit and last but not least having a massage whilst lying on your front feels like you have a small child between yourself and the bed.
If anyone has solutions to the above problems, answers on a postcard! (Or a comment below, modern world and all that).