Choices and not having regrets

I’m sitting in my pj’s with Friends on tv in the backround having come home from a long day at work in the office – i’m overthinking and feeling reflective. I’ve been doing this a lot lately and I can’t help but feel it has a lot to do with my upcoming birthday (24 eeek!) and my life in general being a women my age.Β 

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Being a woman in her twenties is a lot harder than I had imagined it would be. I feel like I spent a lot of my previous years rushing. I moved out when I was 18 years old with an awful ex boyfriend and I was constantly trying to be the sophisticated, sassy woman who lives on her own and has her shit together. Fast forward 2 years and I was back living at home, poorer than what I started and thinking well, what was the point in that? A few more years on and I can’t help but feel that I should’ve gone on a few more nights out, gone on holiday more and just generally been more carefree and wild! But then the other part of me thinks well, i’m not actually that old and I can still do all of those things right?!

And then I go down the path of well I only have a limited amount of spare money per month and if I spend it on partying and holidays – how am I ever going to afford to get married and how can I save for when I have a baby? The same goes for my other half – is he saving for an engagement ring or is he saving for a mega holiday? We both want to get married and have babies in the not so distant future so we have decided we are mega saving (it’ll be like saving for our house deposit all over again – seperate post on that to come) so we can cram in a few holidays before the inevitable wedding saving begins in a couple of years.

You’re probably just exhusated just reading that and I can’t blame you. But, being a couple with ambition and goals in life, we aren’t going to settle for one thing or another. We want it all and we want if gift wrapped. The problem is I spend so much time looking back thinking why didn’t I stay at home a few more years and save, why didn’t I choose a different career when I left school so I have more money. I always wanted to be an English teacher, a journalist, a freelance writer – so why did I veer so differently into being a hair stylist? All this time and energy I spend regretting decisions I have made is less time making plans for the future and I have come to realise, there is no point in having regrets, nothing changes this way.

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If I had made different choices, I wouldn’t have some of my best friends, I wouldn’t be with Daniel and actually, I’m not doing so badly. I have an amazing network of friends and family and I am a homeowner – something I never thought I would be at 23. I have already made the decision to quit hairdressing, something I did back in August, honestly just to prove to myself I can handle change and that actually, I do have more to offer. I am now working 9-5 in an admin type role and I have much more confidence in myself again and I am finding my passion is coming back for things I used to love before I took my little detour in life.

So from now on I am putting my blinkers on and I am making choices. At the end of the day, I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it. So rather than looking back and thinking it’s too late I am taking action. People can change their lives at any age and many do, so why the hell can’t I?! So here is me declaring war on my negativity and saying ‘why not me?’. I have decided what I want in life and i’m going to go for it. It took me a few years but i’m there. It takes everyone different periods of time I think in life to ‘find themself’ and truly know what they’re about. This blog is part of my master plan and I couldn’t be happier I started. So this is also me saying thank you to my followers for coming back to my blog and hey to new readers, you don’t know how long i’ve wanted to speak to you.

On a different note – TGIF! I’m off for a G&T because, well, just because.

Hollie xox

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